Stay with me, i want to be Alone

Recently, so many things happened, stuffs cropped up without signal, obstructing my initial plan. It was like these unplanned of events, got piled up one after another. Especially this week.

Of course I got upset. Which, I shouldn’t even be in the first place. Kegeraman yang teramat masyaAllah!

The first thing that passed in my mind is, patience. Sabar aisyah, sabar. You know those moments you wanna cool yourself down. Mesti ada hikmah punye! But I just couldnt calm myself down. Perangai macam orang tak ada iman gitu. Hahaha. Astaghfirullah.

Somehow, when I was lying in bed, forcing myself to go to sleep and drive all this upsetness (?) away - because it was killing me! - it dawned on me this.

When things go wrong, not according to plan, that is actually the REAL plan. I plan, you plan, we plan but also don’t forget. Allah plans too and we also know that Allah is the best of Planners.

I always ask Allah to give me what is best for me. And when He did, i got upset.
Ape ni aisyah. Nak Allah kasi yang terbaik ke tak ni? Tak beruntung. Haih perangai mintak kenek penampar. What is best doesnt mean something that is always pleases you right? It could also be something that is displeasing but at the same time best for you.

Allah is my Creator, our Creator for god sake. Of course He knows us. Who are we kidding with?! *nagging mode*

I was dressing apak’s finger with a bandage as it was bleeding when he said,

“Dulu bila Imran selalu datang sini, mesti mintak apak plaster lah tampal-tampal lah. Sekarang dah besar, jarang datang sini.”

It me made all teary. I quickly dressed the bandage up and went to my room quietly.

It upsets me alot when they ask for someone but they won’t turn up. Not even a call to say hi.

Allah please remind me, time again, that I should not count myself out when I remind others about You. Please Allah.

“The less you reveal, the more people can wonder.”

Is that why we cover ourselves up, O Muslim women? To make other people wonder or make a guess what size are you? How is your figure looks like underneath that hijab?

Of course not. We cover ourselves up because Allah said so.

Kalau kita ade rumah, kita tinggal kat rumah tu selama 20 tahun, lama tak kita tinggal?

Lamakan?

Umur saye nak masuk 19 tahun, tahun ni. Cukupkanlah 20 tahun. 20 tahun tinggal kat bumi Allah ni, lama tak?

Lama. Tapi saye belum buat ape ape pun di bumi Allah ni yang.. bermanfaat. Belum lakukan satu perubahan yang kecik ataupun besau. Bila lagi?

Salah satu tanda awak telah dewasa ialah apabila awak ada teman yang sudah bertunang. If you get what I mean.

Then you will attend their weddings, wondering when will it be your turn.

***

When one my of my 13 year old student asked me if I have a boyfriend. I gave her that look. When she continued to say,” and what you’re going to be single forever ustazah?”

I just shrugged. One part of me said, chillax girl. I’m still 18! Another part of me prayed, like really prayed, that may Allah intertwined my path with someone special that He chose, not I chose, whom can bring me to that Eternal life with him.

For now what I need to focus on is just be a good slave of Allah. No. Try to be the best of the best slave of Allah. When Allah Himself choose the perfect time and the perfect person, I know that everything will be okay. InsyaAllah.

Well, i find it very.. ‘adulterous’ for someone to have a relationship before marriage. Whats more, when they brag about it like nobody is watching. Like they are married already.

And yeah. It could, I say it could, turn friendships upside down. But most of them, they even support one another. Haish. Cakap pasal benda ni tak akan pernah habes. Penat.